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Copii adulti ai parintilor imaturi emotional

Posted by simonacalinici on March 16, 2021 at 12:45 AM


Scurtă trecere în revista a temelor adordate în cartea Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - Lindsay


Menționez că pe baza acestei cărți sunt fundamentate o parte din sedințele pe care le derulez, în special cu pacienții care au trăsături de personalitate specific borderline, împreună cu părinții acestora, pentru a re-echilibra relația lor.

Cele 4 tipuri de parinti imaturi emotional

Parintele condus de emotii oscileaza intre momente de supraimplicare si retragere emotionala brusca. Este coplesit de emotii si se bazeaza pe ceilalti sa ii ofere stabilitate, este cel mai imatur dintre cele 4 tipuri de parinti.

Un copil care creste alaturi de un parinte condus de emotii ajunge sa fie extrem de atent la starile emotionale ale celorlalti, este mereu in garda si tinde sa faca mai mult pe placul celor din jur, sperand ca asa va obtine atentie, apreciere, validare, iubire.

Parintele supra-motivat este  orientat catre rezultate si foarte ocupat. Este perfectionist atat in cu sine, cat si cu ceilalti, are o nevoie mare de control si intra in spatiul privat al copilului incercand sa controleze viata acestuia.Din exterior pare cat se poate de normal si este foarte implicat in viata copilului, dar nu tine cont de realitatea copilului, de varsta lui, de nevoile lui de dezvoltare, de emotiile acestuia sau pur si simplu de faptul ca e nevoie ca copilul sa isi doreasca el anumite lucururi, nu sa ii fie indesate tot timpul alte activitati in program.

Acesta pare mai degraba un pacat modern in ceea ce priveste stiluri de parenting, desi existau si mai demult acei parinti care incercau sa ii determine pe copii sa le indeplineasca toate acele nevoi nesatisfacute sau fantasme pe care ei nu si le indeplinisera in propria viata.

Problemele unui copil crescut de un astfel de parinte vin din faptul ca va trai stari de depresie, de demotivare deoarece fie s-a obisnuit sa fie cineva care sa ii dicteze ce sa faca, fie are stari de burn-out inca din tinerete; sau va trai un sentiment constant de neimplinire din cauza gandului ca ar trebui sa faca constant mai mult, mai bine sau cu totul altceva decat ceea ce fac deja.

Parintele pasiv " te iubeste, dar nu te poate ajuta", este parintele cel mai putin nociv, dar neaga sau minimalizeaza problemele copilului.

Este parintele care atunci cand apar probleme reale aplica politica strutului, este cel care poate inchide ochi in fata unui abuz sau care nu face fata situatiilor emotionale intense. Din pacate pentru copil, este genul de parinte care nu pune limite si nu il ajuta pe copil sa se simta in siguranta.

Devine, uneori, parintele preferat al copilului, deoarece este capabil sa ofere afectiune si empatie, atat timp cat nevoile copilului nu interfereaza cu cele proprii.

Parintele pasiv foloseste deseori copilul ca sa isi satisfaca nevoia de atentie, de admiratie si de validare, fara sa ii poata fi cu adevarat alaturi copilului in momentele sale dificile.

Copilul care creste cu un astfel de parinte invata ca trebuie sa devina foarte independent, ca nu se poate baza pe cei din jur pentru ajutor si nu stie cum sa ceara sau sa primeasca ajutorul. Un alt efect este ca deseori va dezvolta multe abilitati prosociale, se va face usor placut de ceilalti, va face multe lucruri ca sa ii multumeasca pe cei din jur, insa cu costul propriei individualitati.

Parintele indisponibil  pare ca are un zid in jurul lui, nu este deloc disponibil emotional si nu simte nevoia de intimitate emotionala, uneori nu o tolereaza nici cand vine din partea celorlalti. Are cel mai scazut nivel de empatie dintre toate cele patru tipuri de parinti.

In astfel de situatii copilul simte ca parintele ar fi mai bine daca el nu ar exista, din aceasta cauza de multe ori este foarte linistit, cuminte si nu face nimic din ce ar putea sa il supere pe parinte.

Din ce am vazut eu, un copil crescut de un parinte cu un astfel de comportament ajunge sa isi nege, sa isi limiteze partea emotionala si sa traiasca foarte mult in zona cognitiva si intelectuala.

 


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